Erin Heatherton, Will You Marry Me?

At 8:45 last night, I was asleep.  If it was up to me I’d have stayed asleep until morning, but there were more important things to do.  Namely, watch the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.  It’s so important that it was on my Google Calendar, and reminded via texts from friends.  Here are some highlights from the show last night:

I’ve discussed the portrayal of beauty by society after the 2010 and 2011 shows, but for 2012 I want to do things a little bit differently.  Rather than thinking about the ideal of beauty that is portrayed, I’m just going to propose to Erin Heatherton.  I had planned on having Bruno Mars sing “Marry You” in the background, which would have made for the greatest live-tv proposal ever, but that’s not very intimate.  Instead, I’ll do it from here:

Erin, will you marry me?


We have a lot in common, namely that we’re both young and ridiculously good looking.  The modeling scouts have yet to find me, but that’s because I’m growing a Gandalfian beard to hide from them.  Your job seems pretty awesome, and it’s pretty cool that you get paid to travel the world wearing fancy underwear.  You looked absolutely beautiful last night, and I was planning on telling you when you got home, but maybe you missed the limo that I sent.

It seems that we both take our jobs pretty seriously;  I want to be the best trainer and coach that I can be, and you want to be my future wife the best model possible.  Together, we’re striving for excellence!  However, I’ve been meaning to ask you a question:


I was trying to be cute and search for tips on posing, so that my red-carpet transition goes more smoothly.  Yes, I know most of the pictures will be of you, but I want to make sure my posture is proper in the paparazzi pictures.  During my search, I stumbled across the Victoria’s Secret “Train Like An Angel” series on YouTube.  (It can be found HERE.)  I think my readers would be interested in seeing what my future wife you do in the gym:

I chuckled, and thought to myself, “Hmm, there’s no way this stuff gets them runway ready, I wonder what she really does.”  My search turned up this video, which shows you using some cool equipment such as gliding discs, Airex pads, a variety of resistance bands, and a Pilates transformer.  I use some of those exercises, too!  Some of them though, they make me wonder if somebody told you that lifting heavy weights are a bad idea.  I don’t want to jump to any conclusions though, so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.

See, there are millions of women who are envious of the Angels, and millions of men are going to be jealous of us when we get married and spend our honeymoon exploring the Amazon.  Fans of the Angels want to look good naked and feel sexy, so it makes sense that trying to train like an Angel will help them, but what if they didn’t pick the same parents as you?!  I don’t want them to feel disgruntled with their exercise, or get upset!

While the Train Like An Angel series seems to help you get runway ready, I don’t think it’s the best option for most women.  The ‘science’ just doesn’t make sense, and the psychology should get more credit than the physiology.  See, you mentioned that due to your trainer, “…I couldn’t feel more confident, and feel more proud and beautiful.”

That’s what it’s all about!

Exercise and training should help you feel confident, proud, and beautiful, and that’s one of the many benefits that it offers.  Sure, there are health benefits, and well all appreciate increased bone density and resistance to injury.  We all have performance and physique goals, but the mental element, the improvements in overall well being?  We don’t talk about that nearly enough.  You’ve touched on it, and that’s huge.  Training should help make you feel more confident, and feel more proud and beautiful.

Now, If you don’t mind, Erin, I’d like to ask my female readers a question.  What do you think will help build more confidence, waving your leg in a circles, or picking up heavy shit?


Many of my readers understand the benefits that dedicated strength training offers, and I know they’re excited to hear about our budding relationship.  I also know they can’t wait to hear about our deadlift double dates with Miranda and Orlando, where he’ll call me Gandalf because my beard will be that awesome.  Let me know when you’re free and we’ll set something up.


5 Replies to “Erin Heatherton, Will You Marry Me?”

  1. This gave me a good chuckle, Harold. She’d be lucky to have you 😉

    Thanks for posting the video, too. Watching the VS fashion show is usually my TV highlight of the year (seriously, I used to throw parties) but this year we don’t have a TV so I missed it. Miranda has gotten really skinny! I will always be Adriana Lima’s biggest fan!

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